I can’t help but wonder about the life that is given to us. I have always been a strong believer of ‘what comes around goes around’ or in other words karma. I have spend most of my life trying to be the ‘honest’ girl, the ‘perfect’ daughter, the ‘loveable’ sister, the ‘nice’ friend and the ‘understanding’ partner.
A lot of the time I put others before myself, my feelings never mattered because I felt happy by making others smile. I never really spend time trying to discover things about me, who I am, what I like and what I don’t. I don’t think I actually know what my favourite colour is.
Since a young age, I thought my parents had the answers to everything, what they said was always right and of course this suited my parents, I never allowed myself to develop my own beliefs and opinions. I’ve caged my own personality and allowed others to develop the person I am today.
Why did I do it? Maybe, I was bought up to believe that my way of thinking was always wrong and lost my own self belief or maybe it was the easy way out for me – I knew by pleasing everyone no one would dislike me.
I know how to make everyone around me happy but I just find it difficult trying to make ME happy. Today , I spend a lot of time wishing I could go back in time and spend every minute trying to discover myself.