Not so long ago, I [Nila] was having drinks with a few of friends at a local pub talking about relationships. Nowadays it’s all we talk about. Some are going through rough times [heartbroken from their breakup], a few are fed up of being single and others are just not ready for a relationship [whatever that means]. And then, there’s always that one friend who has the most perfect relationship, to make you feel like crap for being alone [you get my drift].

One friend in particular was in an interesting dilemma. A dilemma that almost every woman has faced at one point or another. She just doesn’t know how to break up with her boyfriend. They’ve been together for almost three years now and every time she plans to break up, something happens to stop her. One week his dog died, then he was going through a hard time at work, and just when she thought the right time had come, his dad ended up in hospital.

So we started talking about the different ways you could break up with a guy. We were basing everything on the previous experiences we all had. The conversation got so heated that some of the regulars decided to join in. I made a mental note of the most shocking and interesting methods and thought I would share them with you here.

woman upFriends 1: You need to woman up and get over and done with’, said the sensible friend [we call her ‘the mum’]. She’s always there to make us feel guilty for the mean decisions we make in life. Sometimes we avoid telling her some of the mischievous things we plan to get up to, she finds out once it’s over and done with. Her argument was that you should treat the person you’re with the way you like to be treated. She’s right, but sometimes you just find yourself in a situation where things aren’t as simple.

how to break up with a guyFriend 2: ‘Just become an obsessed little girl’. This one had me in stitches, the sensible friend couldn’t believe what she was hearing [the shock of horror was priceless]. You should just push the limits and pretend you’re completely obsessed with the guy you’re with. Call him to see where he is every 45 minutes, and when you’re not on the phone, text him to remind him how much you love him. Apparently you won’t need to break up, he’ll do it first [really?]

how to break up with your boyfriendFriend 3: ‘You just don’t have time for him anymore’. This is such a typical guy’s move usually. You just turn into a complete workaholic and just always have work as an excuse to why you can’t see him. Eventually end it with him because you just don’t have enough time for a relationship [if he doesn’t do it first].

how to break up with your boyfriend

Regular 1: ‘It’s so much easier if you just say you’re moving away and can’t deal with long distance relationships’. I don’t feel safe with this. Knowing my luck, even if I lived miles and miles away from where his home is, he will be behind me in Starbucks on a Saturday afternoon while I am ordering peppermint tea. 

how to break up with bfBartender: ‘I once told a guy was dating for over a month that I was a lesbian’. This is interesting. It’s a line I’ve used once at bar because this random guy just wouldn’t leave me alone, after telling him time after time that I am not interested. I don’t think would actually use it as a break line though.